Charlie Sheen's Obituary

I didn't catch the big roast of Charlie Sheen on Comedy Central, Monday evening, but watched a few of the highlights at the network's website. Yes, it's all very crude and edgy -- the nature of this comedic format. As always, it's a contest to see who can elicit the highest "cringe factor" by crossing the line of good taste. Same ol', same ol'!

Sheen looks positively grizzly, these days, for obvious reasons. The guy has just turned 46, and he's looking closer to Keith Richards at 55. Let's hope if he continues the lifestyle to which he's become accustomed that he possesses an immune system every bit as remarkable at Keith.

I've gone on record before about Sheen's dearth of talent -- he's mediocre actor and average comedian at best -- but I won't revisit those sentiments.

Here a clip from Seth MacFarlane's spot,where he decides to deliver Charlie's obituary in advance of the appropriate venue, which he reckons is not terribly far off. Ahhh, how wonderfully clever! Pardon my sarcasm.

Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen

290-Pound Man Sues White Castle Over Unaccommodating Booths

This one definitely belongs in the "Only in America" category. Martin Kessman, a 6-foot, 290-pound man from New York filed a lawsuit, recently, for the "pain and embarrassment" he experienced when he was unable to slide his rather sizable girth into a booth at Nanuet, N.Y, White Castle restaurant.

And here's the best part: The suit was filed under the under the Americans with Disabilities Act, because the restaurant failed to provide adequate seating for someone who suffered from his particular affliction -- if you consider gluttony an affliction.

Yes, I suppose it's possible that this individual might have a medical condition of some sort that results in weight gain. But it's probably highly unlikely. Odds are he grazes just a little too frequently on belly bombers -- and a variety of other fast food cuisine, I'm sure. Rather than suing White Castle, he should now be thanking them for their foresight to limit the size of their booths to discourage "super-sized" folks from frequenting their establishment.

I might be more sympathetic if the lawsuit has been over an ill-fitting airline seat; or an MRI machine, perhaps. Hell, I might even understand if the restaurant in question was a Subway joint.

Save the jumbo booths for restaurants that offer healthier cuisine. If Kessman started eating more turkey subs, he won't have to worry so much about where his ass will fit, and where it won't.

Sucking Up to Narcissists for Free Computer Equipment

While listening to ol' Rush Limbaugh the other day (as I sometimes do out of perverse curiosity) a caller copped himself a free laptop simply for stating how he stood up for Rush's views against his liberals co-workers. In fact, the guy stated that he'd put up with quite a lot of verbal abuse from his political adversaries. So, when Rush asked if he had a computer, the caller confirmed he did, but it was on its last legs -- "shooting sparks," I believe were the words he used.

Damn! Now I know what to do when my computer starts acting up -- or is severely outdated: suck up to a conservative talk show host.
Perhaps if I invent a harrowing tale of physical assault at the hands of a horde of crazed liberals, I can get a whole new, state of the art system complete with all the necessary accessories.

"It was awful! they had me cornered in the parking garage, after seeing my Rush Limbaugh bumper sticker. They were like a pack of rabid dogs! But I wouldn't back down! I continued to declare your superiority, and "excellence in broadcasting," despite being pummeled like a boxer's heavy bag. Then they stole my brand new Dell out of the back of my Toyota. Next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital, looking like Evel Knievel after his Madison Square Garden disaster."

Hey, with a story like that, maybe I could score a big screen TV, too!