Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Republican Governor Wants to Bring the Old West to South Carolina

Second Amendment extremists rejoice. Governor of South Carolina Nikki Haley just singed into law a bill that would allow patrons of drinking establishments to carry loaded weapons, provided they have a legal permit.

Great, drunks with lethal weapons, right? Well, no. The bill does stipulate that anyone carrying a firearm in a bar cannot be served alcohol. But who needs to consume alcohol to become trigger-happy in a bar? The atmosphere alone in some dives is enough to turn even the soberest individual into a raving maniac.

All that tongue-in-cheek postulation aside, it boils down to the “more guns save lives” argument vs.the “Are you fucking crazy? Laws like these will only cause further bloodshed and turn society into one big shooting gallery” argument. Whichever side of the debate you're on, I think only a complete nimrod which support a bill that combines alcohol and firearms – even if those carrying the heat aren't numbing their noggins. It's just a recipe for further carnage.

Even in the Old West, they soon learned that guns and booze don't mix, and many – if not most towns – began passing laws against it the carrying of firearms in the city limits.

You can read more on this story here.

Monday, February 10, 2014

“Baby Yoga” Endorsed by the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

This video has been sparking some rather outraged and shocked reactions around the internet – for good reason, I might add. A 51-year-old Russian woman is flipping and spinning a visibly unhappy infant around in what she describes as 'Baby Yoga.” To be honest, I don't recall any other practitioners of yoga look quite so discontent. Igor Borisovich Charkovsky is the founder of the technique. You'll see him attempting to drown an infant – thankfully, unsuccessfully – towards the end of the video.

Not everyone is acrimonious over the video, though. I believe the practice has just been endorsed by the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. 

 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

McDonald's New Website Provides Advice for Employees on How to Stretch Shitty Pay

We are living in times when it's hard to tell reality from satire. Honestly, The Onion couldn't have come up with anything more hysterical than this.

The advice being dispensed at McDonald's new website, McResourceLine.com, has been subject to some sharp criticism and with good reason. Apparently, the head honchos at the popular fast food slop chain seem to be keenly aware that the wages they're paying their employees just doesn't stretch far enough in today's economy. So, they've come up with with some wonderful ideas to put a little elastic in those paychecks.

For instance, “breaking food into pieces” will keep you fuller. (Or create the illusion that you're consuming more food than you are, I guess.) Another slice of sage advice suggest chewing gum and singing will ease stress.

Here's my favorite: “At least two vacations a year can cut heart attack risk by 50%”.

Of course, you're going to have have to divide your meals into almost microscopic portions if you plan to take two vacations per year while working a minimum wage job. Holy shit on a rye crisp!

Yep, I'm not at all surprised worker advocacy groups are going apeshit over this. Here's a short video created by LowPayIsNotOK.org about this travesty.

 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Ted Nugent to Attend State of The Union Address in Assault Rifle Get-Up

In case you hadn't heard, The Nuge has been invited to attend Tonight's State of The Union Address by Republican Texas Representative Steve Stockman. He'll be sitting in the gallery that overlooks the White House chamber.

Earlier today, it was announced by someone in the Nugent camp that Ted will dressed in a specially designed assault rifle costume. The name of the designer was not disclosed.

Photo by LM Otero/AP File
“The location of the magazine may be a little controversial,"”stated Nugent spokesman Earle Blamblam.  "Aside from that, I'm not at liberty to disclose any more information. You'll all just have to wait until tonight to see Ted in all his glory. Suffice to say, everybody will talking about this for days to come."

Hey, it just might be worth tuning in to see that get-up. As a general rule, I'd sooner whack myself over the head with a bag or oranges for two hours rather than tune into one of these long-winded, boring speeches. But a little drama is always appealing.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Lance Armstrong on MAD Magazine Cover

Once again, it's time for MAD magazine's yearly wrap-up all all things dumb. And the poster-boy the issue comes from the world of sports. If the answer wasn't already in the header, I'm sure you would have already have concluded that it's none over than disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong.

The issue, entitled The 20 Dumbest People, Events, and Things of 2012, depicts Armstrong, arms raised in the traditional cycling victory gesture, resplendent in the color of the maillot jaune. 


Yeah, it was a good choice. The man who holds the dishonor of being behind the biggest fraud in sports history certainly deserves a good hearty skewering. Honestly, you'd have to be dumber than garden produce (if I've used that simile before, I apologize) to believe you could keep such a massive campaign of deceit, bullying, and bribery secret forever.

Congratulations, Lance! You've finally made the big time.